Breathe in, breathe out

DISCLAIMER: This is long. It’s whiny. I’m stressed out! And this is why.

I have been feeling so stressed recently. I know that stress is bad, particularly when you’re pregnant.

Here’s a recap, without getting into TOO MANY non-baby details:

Cameron’s birthday is Saturday, and as usual, I’m going overboard with planning. I have a weekend of events planned out that perhaps I’ll share after the fact. He knows nothing except that he has some physical gifts and that we will probably go out to eat at least once. I can’t stick to a simple dinner and new tie. I’m always raising my own bar.

Attached to the birthday is that his one “big gift” fell through. That’s all I will say about that…

I’m not good with last-minute changes. I like agendas, schedules, order. There was a last-minute schedule change at work this week that through me off. This Friday was supposed to be a half day (per the city calendar posted in August). But just Sunday or Monday, we learned that it would be a full day, and the half day is being moved to next week. It just throws off planning for this week.

The couch bed! Oh man. Long story short: we ordered a couch bed the first week of January. It was delivered January 17, but it had no legs. We have boxes in the living room while we wait. And this company’s customer service SUCKS. I’ve been dealing with them, calling the store several times a day, calling the manager, emailing customer service, over and over. I’m bugging the crap out of them until something gets done. Our box of couch is nothing to them. They could care less if we get the missing piece today or in another month. So I have to make them care. I want them to think “What can we do to get rid of this obnoxious woman?”

And last, this whole pregnancy mess! I’m not enjoying being pregnant. I love when he kicks. And I honestly love maternity pants (with the big stretchy band). But that’s it! I don’t like the cravings or the looks (is she pregnant or just fat?) or the comments from students (oo she gettin’ big!) or the tiredness or the general discomfort (tight belly, needing to pee, itchiness). And most of all, the weight gain.

I’ve always been a skinny girl except once, in college, when I was around 142 at the highest. And when I realized I had gotten big, I ran and I ran and I lifted and I lifted until I got super duper fit. Now, I am about 142. And I can’t run and run because it’s uncomfortable and I get out of breath. I can lift a little, but I can’t work out for hours and get super sweaty. And I feel like I’m wasting my time because I am working out a little and not losing weight. I know I’m not supposed to lose weight right now, but I just want to stop gaining.

Stress and more stress. I know that the birthday mess will end in a week. But there are still other messes.

Perhaps some pregnant yoga tonight will do the trick. 🙂


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